In my last blog, I wrote about my newfound and inexplicable desire to run and how it was a great distraction from writing-induced-waiting which is so painful it probably should be an actual medical diagnosis. This time I want to talk about something else which has been occupying me: clothes. I know that sounds ridiculous – everybody wears clothes – but picking outfits and creating new combinations and looks has started taking up more of my headspace than you might imagine. It’s probably (definitely) taking up more than is strictly necessary but it’s fun and frivolous and I’m about to lay out my justifications for why you too should have some frivolity in your life (and maybe wear more colourful clothes).
I saw a tweet the other day in which the tweeter was complaining that you follow a writer on social media and all you get is selfies. I had a snort to myself because that is absolutely me and I make no apology for it. It all started when I finally succumbed to Instagram and got a sudden urge to post a picture of my outfit every day. It wasn’t really for anyone other than myself – I kind of liked the challenge of never wearing the same outfit twice and I was probably bored or hemmed in by a pandemic or something at the time. I’m not sure there was much deep reflection going on about the decision, more of spontaneous snap and post situ. However, I quickly realised that not wearing an outfit twice was quite a weak and environmentally unsound premise. Of course we should be wearing our clothes multiple times, preferably until they fall apart. So I tweaked the concept in my mind to maximising the possible combinations and permutations of outfits to make your wardrobe go as far as it possibly can without the boredom setting in. (This sentence has just given me an unsettling flashback to A-level Maths and I can’t remember the actual ins and outs of what that means mathematically so for any pedants out there please only take this sentence literarily!). What I mean is how many ways can you style a dress? You could change the shoes and make a different look. What about adding a necklace? Or some knitwear? You could highlight a specific colour from the pattern with your accessories or go for a striking clash. You could wear the same colours head to toe. You could go tonal. You could add a head scarf or a neck scarf or a waistcoat or a coat or earrings or bracelets. You could add socks. I love adding a sock. There are just so many options and I was quickly addicted to exploring them. I don’t think the posting part was/is entirely necessary except for using it as a record of what I’d already done. I did go through a phase of curating my feed by colour – just how many different pink outfits could I come up with in succession before moving on to red then purple then blue etc.? I realise it was entirely pointless as projects go but it gave me a weird sense of satisfaction. Or was that pointless? Do projects actually require themselves to have a point? I’m increasingly thinking it’s healthy to do things just for the fun if it sometimes. If I like thinking about outfits and it scratches some sort of creative itch and it gives me a little bubble of happiness, then isn’t it exactly what I should be doing? For some reason which I think might lie in my schooling, I have always struggled to prioritise creative pursuits. I’ve always had a significant creative streak which has displayed itself in various ways from painting to interior design to writing to fashion but I have always tended towards the apologetic about it. I still prioritise pretty much everything else over these types of hobby despite not believing that’s the right thing to do. I suspect this needs further unpicking but I like that putting outfits together is a creative thing to do just for the fun of it and something which can be done every day. Not with an aim like getting published and not with any pressure associated with it to do it a certain way. I just put different outfits together because I like it. And don’t we all need that freedom somewhere in our lives? (Also, it has to be prioritised because one shouldn’t leave the house unclothed, unlike writing which can easily be pushed to the side in favour of other arguably more pressing tasks.) It seems, on the surface of it, a superficial kind of pursuit; vain even. But I genuinely believe in the power of clothes to uplift. I do think that floating around wearing bright yellow is more likely to give others a moment of cheer than being dressed head to toe in black, even if one approach is generally considered chic-er than the other. My husband’s gran, Thelma, was a very warm and immeasurably likeable person. Everybody liked her. I loved nothing more than visiting her flat and having a good chat over a tiny cup of tea. We bonded over several things but one of them was clothes. She hadn’t always had many and had often made her own through necessity. So, in her later years, when things became more possible for her on the retail front, we often shared an intense trip to Marks and Spencer’s. I was regularly out-shopped by an eighty-something year old while we wallowed in the beauty of print and colour and pattern together. Then later, when she became unwell and couldn’t really wear anything other than her nightie, I purposefully wore different and exciting outfits whenever I visited because I knew she’d get vicarious joy from them. I knew she’d beckon me over so she could get a better look at a collar or rub a material between her fingers or more closely admire a print. If I could cheer her a little, just by getting dressed, why wouldn’t I? Even after we lost her (and everyone wore bright colours to her funeral), I continued to associate dressing with mood. When I very angrily turned forty, I wondered whether wearing clothes I didn’t associate with mid-life would help me embrace the new decade more easily. I think it has. If you’re uncertain about something, the answer frequently is power dressing, I find. A smart outfit can make you feel confident, powerful, capable. I often consider my approachability as an adult when I’m working with children - I don’t power dress for them but I do find they’re often intrigued by an unusual ring or lobster-shaped earring and it helps them feel comfortable with this new adult. If I have a meeting I suspect will be challenging, I one hundred per cent do power dress – it makes me feel as though I’m armoured and not to be messed with. If I’m a bit fed up or under the weather, I love a comforting knit or a shiny and soft combo. I don’t know why that’s comforting, it just is. And I always wear colour. I definitely use clothes to affect my mood and to impact those around me. And it isn’t just friends and family who notice – strangers often talk to me about my clothes. So I don’t think we should be too quick to demean a fascination with fashion – it can definitely be about more than the superficial. I’ve realised that I’m spending more and more time rummaging in my wardrobe or on Vinted or thinking of outfit combinations and in analysing why and if this is healthy, I’ve realised it’s often born out of me sort of wanting to write but getting caught in a negative thought cycle. It goes like this: I should write the new novel. But I’ve lost my momentum and got out of the rhythm. Yes, all the more reason to get back in. But what’s the point? What’s happening with the previous novel and the one before that? Weelllll…. The first one is with a really amazing agent who may or may not love it. We don’t know yet. When will we know? We don’t know. How long’s a piece of string? Write this one anyway. But… what if they don’t like the first one or the second one? What’s the point of writing another to gather dust? You know the answer to this. Persist, remember? Yep, must sit down and try. Can’t make myself sit down, brain starts drifting to what I might wear tomorrow or how essential it might be to acquire a trouser suit. Off I trundle upstairs to rummage in the wardrobe instead. I was getting quite irritated with myself over this but then I thought that perhaps I ought to cut myself more slack. Waiting to hear about the novel and holding onto the faith to keep writing are very challenging pastimes. If I’ve found another creative outlet to tide me over in the meantime, surely that’s a good thing? Does is matter that it’s shuffling clothes around on hangers and turning the bedroom into a boutique? I hope not. I think creativity comes in many forms and the more of it you have in your life the better. I think for people who crave visual stimuli especially, but maybe for any people, a creative outlet is nourishing. I think it’s good for your mental health to be able to express yourself without limits. Maybe sometimes you can offload difficult feelings through your creation, like an emotional purge or cleansing. When it comes to fashion, I really like the term ‘dopamine dressing’ – literally being able to boost your neurotransmitters (and those of others) by wearing something bright or beautifully clashed or madly patterned. Sometimes, of course, in being experimental, some bad creations are made. Some bad outfits are paraded. But there’s no real consequence of a dodgy outfit – maybe creative outlets are a good place to safely push boundaries and safely push yourself. I think many people don’t experiment with clothes, or with colour in particular, because they’re frightened of looking or feeling silly; perhaps of standing out from the crowd. I have never wanted to be in the crowd so I don’t really concern myself but maybe for those people, painting or writing or singing are more palatable ways to experiment. There is never just one way. But I definitely think there are benefits to engaging in something in which there are no real rules. I happen to like creating outfits. Maybe it’s a creative outlet and guilty pleasure rolled into one. Either way, as long as I can rein in the associated shopping addiction I’m claiming it’s more constructive than it sounds. (Re the shopping addiction which I’m well aware is bad for the planet and my bank account, perhaps everyone also requires a vice?!) I’d love to hear what other creative outlets you have and if any of them are guilty pleasures too. Secret graffiti habit? Tell me. Addicted to scrap-booking hot celebrities? I really need to know. And if you’re feeling a bit fed up, why not reach for something colourful to wear? I dare you to try it and see how it makes you feel.
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September 2023
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