It’s that time of year when we all typically turn to reflection – how has this year gone and what, if anything, would we like to change in the year ahead? When I reflect on my writing progress in 2022, in theory it has been a bumper a year. The Anatomical History of Violet Vee, my second novella-in-flash, was published in August with The Alien Buddha and then, two months later, along came my first flash fiction collection, The Art of Escapology with Bearded Badger Press. So far, so amazing. Cue two book launch parties, two outfits matched to book covers, two seasons of over excitement.
But… I don’t know. If you’d have asked me a couple of years ago how it would feel to have three books out, I’d have said it would be amazing; all I could hope for and more. I would have thought that having three books published would make me feel successful, like I’ve got this whole being a writer thing nailed down. Like I’m living the writing dream. Only, we are where we are and it doesn’t feel like I thought it would. And I think the reason for that is book sales. How do you measure whether sales are going well when you’re an indie author? Do you need to make a solitary sale? Or ten? Twenty? Fifty? One hundred? Thousands? How do you know what good is? When Mae In Quinquennia was published, she sold out within twenty four hours and maybe that gave me a false perspective of what selling books can be like. And then she sold out a second print run and a third materialised. She hadn’t sold in large numbers by typical publishing standards but she’d done well for her small indie. I had no idea at all how many copies I could expect to sell when she came out but selling what the publisher had deemed a sensible amount to print within one day felt good. And I suppose because she kept selling, I kept feeling encouraged. Obviously when I found out Violet and Escapology would be published too, I was over the moon. Just because one publisher believed in you and your work once absolutely doesn’t guarantee future publications. In a competitive market, any publisher willing to risk their money on your work is a huge deal - one that I need to remind myself of perhaps more often than I do. Someone accepting your work with a view to publication is extremely encouraging. Finally holding your book in your hands, your words all bound up within gorgeous custom created artwork, is hugely encouraging too. But then what? Well, then you need to sell some books. Sales of Violet and Escapology have felt sluggish in comparison to Mae and as we say goodnight to 2022, I’m left feeling a bit flat about it all. If I’m honest, I’ve been very unsure about whether to write about this because it doesn’t quite feel the done thing for a number of reasons, but I always feel honesty is important because perhaps my truth will resonate for others, so rightly or wrongly, here I am writing about it. My reservations about doing so are that in order to sell books, you almost have to pretend that you are selling a lot of books. After all, people don’t generally want something no one else seems to want either. People prefer to buy into hype. I worry that in being honest, it will also seem like I’m moaning and not sufficiently grateful to be in the seemingly enviable position of having books published. (For the record, I will be forever grateful to Selcouth Station, Alien Buddha and Bearded Badger for everything. I have nothing but gratitude for all of them.) But the counter to that is maybe others looking in see me cultivating a seemingly perfect little literary world which in turn makes them feel lesser by comparison. It’s the whole thing about social media just portraying glossy images and none of the mess behind the lens. This post is the mess behind my publications. Perhaps some people will assume that my sales aren’t going swimmingly because my books simply aren’t good enough. Some days, I can buy into this idea but mostly I try to remind myself that they wouldn’t be published if that were the case. And anyway, I love all three of them, they’re my literary infants, it’s just that I want other people to love them too. Not all the people, gotta be realistic, but more of the people would be marvellous. But as a newbie writer and an indie writer in particular, there is a constant query over how to know if you’re a ‘proper author’ yet. Sluggish sales do little to reassure me on this point. I see a lot of people with a book out, now offering advice to others, as though getting published has raised them to a higher, more expert level. I feel I missed that part of the game – maybe there was a doorway I didn’t see somewhere - because I don’t feel any more qualified than I did before. I try to tell myself that sales don’t matter; that you don’t measure writing skills in that way. I think as a creative-type you aren’t meant to care – your work is out there, it will find its readers in due course on the winds of time. But I do care and I do get frustrated by it. There is of course a small concern that I’d never be satisfied – at the end of the day how many sales are enough? – but at the moment, each and every sale is hard won. Self-promotion is a tricky old beast at the best of times but I really feel I’ve pushed myself to maximise all opportunities, almost to the point of selling my soul to Santa. Which raises the question, just how far am I willing to go to sell books? It can feel a bit like you’re publicly begging for people’s approval at times – a fairly unpleasant feeling, especially if you don’t receive any. If you post on social media but no one responds or if your books are in a shop but every time you pop back in no one has bought any, how are you supposed to feel? Even the most Teflon-coated would surely feel a bit deflated over time. They would surely be tempted towards self-doubt. And there’s something else which keeps entering my mind as we end the year. If it’s this hard to sell books, what’s the point of writing more? I’m well aware this is a bad attitude and its one I’m having stern words with myself about but part of me wonders if this writing business is all a bit self-flagellating. It seems to be a constant carousel of picking oneself up again. The thing which will undoubtedly carry me through though is my stubbornness. I have two novels in various states of being re-written or looking for publication and I’m very much not ready to give up on them. I still have hope that sales of Violet and Escapology will pick up. I really hope so. In a Cost of Living Crisis there’s no guarantee and maybe it’s the climate which has changed around me. Or maybe that’s a handy excuse. It’s so very hard to say. What I will say is that if you know an indie author, please buy their book. If you can’t buy their book, tell other people about it – the hardest thing is breaking out beyond the circle of people you know. If you read someone’s book and you like it, leave them a review. One positive review will keep me buoyant for days. Reviews, in many ways, are better even than sales. Reviews are where you turn when sales dwindle, when you’re having the kind of day where you question what the point of it all is, why you’re bothering anyway. Reviews are an infinite kindness that gives and gives. I’m sorry for being a bit maudlin. This isn’t the kind of end of year round-up where I get all excited about prizes won or bestselling statuses. This is me, laying it all out there, in the hope that writing it down will make me feel better. An end of year palate cleanser perhaps. Here’s to feelings of progress in 2023. Here’s to getting even more creative with book promotion. Here’s to everyone who has bought, shared or reviewed. You are infinitely kind x
4 Comments
Mark Burrow
1/8/2023 01:21:40 am
Hi there,
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Graham
1/17/2023 01:33:39 am
Thanks for your honesty. I’ll seek out your stories. Keep writing.
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Julian
3/16/2023 09:19:46 am
This is a very valuable insight. Marketing is tricky. I just ordered a copy of "Art of" having seen a youtube from Bearded Badger that has only 44 views in 6m, found accidentally when looking for something else! Getting art heard, seen, read or experienced is hard.
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Nicola Ashbrook
3/26/2023 12:07:34 pm
Thank you! I hope you enjoy Escapology now you've found it.
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